So here is more of my other story

i rewrote it like Serafina Zane said to so here it is from the begining again…..

The Other Unnamed Book

 

Alice Was Hungry, But She knew she wouldn’t eat for a couple days. She was on the run with her brother and sisters. They were of the royal bloodline. Their mother and father were killed. Her bother and sister saved her life. And now they were on the run, because their evil grandparents wanted the throne. Now they had to get back to the divide before they would be safe. They were days away. Alice bowed her head to pray. “Please help us, please” she had just brought her head up when hove beats sounded.

“Alice! Hide! I don’t know who it is!” Alexander Yelled.

“Alexis! Come on we need to hide.” I Yelled. Alexis was just a little over five years old. She had no clue what was going on. I had told her we were going on an adventure and during this adventure we were going to be playing hide and go seek a lot.

There mother had just given birth a few days ago, she had died after the birth. My little sister was a healthy little girl by the name of Alyson, although father seemed to have been healthy too. Father was found dead the other day with a knife in his hands. I had thought this to be just a sad time and that he hadn’t been able to live without mother but then last night I was walking to the kitchen to get some fresh water and I over herd grandma and grandpa talking about how every other country like us would fear them. I stayed to listen.

 

            I had been walking past there room when I heard, “Now all we have to do is to take down Alexander and Alice. And we will be the King and Queen. Everyone will fear us. Ha!”

            When I heard my brother’s name I had stopped and now even though I new I should leave and get Alex and my sisters away this minute, I couldn’t move. I had a feeling that was not all I needed to hear.

            “You know Esmeralda, We should Poison the girl and hang they boy and say he killed her so he could have the thrown.”  Casper has said.

            “That’s not a bad idea. Hmmm, maybe we should try that for tomorrow. I just hope they are falling for all of this. I mean their mom had three other kids without any problems and on her fourth one she dies even though the who time she had be pregnant she had been healthy? I mean come on!” Esmeralda said in a disbelieving tone. “And then when their father turns up dead. When he had been just oh so happy just to have the new little girl. Ah well. It is just to easy.” Esmeralda sighed.

it won’t stay easy for long. Thought as I ran to Alex’s room.

 

Of course, when I heard this new I went strait to Alex. Alex was the eldest. He is two years difference to me. He told me to get everyone’s things together. It had taken me all of last night and most of today; Alex had said it would be safer to leave at night.   

So, they had listened to him and left. And now it was almost dawn, and most of the danger had yet to come.

“Alice! They’re getting closer hide, now!” Alex’s yelling brought me bake from thinking about the pas. Now all that I need to think about was what I was doing.

Alexis, Alyson, and me hid in the opposite bush of Alex. Right then the horses and there riders came rushing by. 

I saw the riders and I recognized them as my mom and dads guard. So did Alex.

“Camren! Josh!” Alex had jumped out of hiding and had yelled after Camren and Josh. God, how I hope they are on our side.

Camren and Josh turned around and slowed “Prince Alex, thank the good lord you’re alive.” Josh had said.

“Prince Alex, where are your sisters?” Camren asked suddenly alarmed.

“There are here hiding. We didn’t know who it was riding the horses. Alice come out.” Alex assured Camren.

I wasn’t sure we could trust anyone but if Alex thought so…

When I out of the woods Camren and Josh seem too happy. “Ok well let’s get this over with.” Camren said. All of them including Josh turned to see what he was talking about. They didn’t turn fast enough to see that he was going to shoot Alice. They heard the arrow being notched to through the air and as I saw it was headed to me I yelled to my sisters “Alexis get the baby and run to Alex! Now!”

The arrow flew though the air at that moment; as Alexis and the baby had made it safely to Alex. Who with horror Struck eyes shoved the girls behind him so they couldn’t see what was going to happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was it good?

thanx 4 reading

SoPhIe-La

WoRd 😉

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6 Comments »

  1. noneofyourbeeswax Said:

    Hey, i’m a writer too, so this is honestly what I think. The story idea is really good and i like your writing style, but i think you gave away a little too much in the begining. Just a suggestion, skip back and forth a little, have little things that remind her of what had happened. I don’t know if this would work with your story, but I feel that all the secrets are gone, (they probobly aren’t but…) you are a good author, keep writing!

  2. wooo, my literary advice is taken!

    i must say i like this better, though i do tend to in general agree with the above comment. it works here thoguh.

  3. thepresidentofdarklingmidnighterresoures Said:

    ok but how would i do that? idk…. give me some examples….

    SoPhIe-La
    WoRd 😉

  4. tagular Said:

    i would have started it out like this,

    “Alice, hide!” alex called to me. Alex is short for Alexander, technically it was short for His Royal Highness prince Alexander the first of (stick kingdom name here), but then again he didn’t call me her royal highness princess alice the first. I could hear the hoof beats now. I ran to grab my sister, alyson, who was only a newborn. Then I called to my sister, “alexis time to hide, hurry.” poor girl, she was only a little over five. Why are we hiding, you may ask. Well it’s a long story. We’re on the run. The sad thing is, we’re on the run from our own grandparents, our greedy selfish grandparents. They wanted the thrown, and were prepared to kill us for it.
    then continued on likr that, and instead of her thinking those things, about her parents and the night she over heard her grand parents, i would heve continued where u stopped telling about hiding behind alex, then brought back those memories in seprerate dreams.

  5. court-la Said:

    there u go theres ur example. now if you want to see more of my writing styles go check my blog(yes im also tagular)

  6. thepresidentofdarklingmidnighterresoures Said:

    sweet i like it. thanks so much i might try something like that……

    but do u mean like starting the hole stroy like that or when it get to the part ‘”Alice, hide.”‘?

    but thank so much

    SoPhIe-La
    WoRd 😉


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